Glass Walls
by Pandora's Present
Summary: Bella's glass walls are cracking under the pressure of piling questions and dark secrets. When they shatter just WHAT will be waiting for her on the other side? The self-proclaimed monster that saved her or the beast that damned her in the first place?
1. Fine

"Bella...Bella,"

Someone was calling from the front seat as I spaced out, looking out the car's window, watching the desert blur by, not really retaining any of it.

"Rebecca!" the voice shouted and I snapped up.

"Wha-?" I asked in a slurr. Oops, I'd made a mistake. Done watching melting scenery I remembered who Bella was. Me. Or, fake me...new me? She was some form of myself the government had conjured up. At least it was sort of close to my real name; Rebecca. Well, when you used the nickname anyways. Though I'd never let anybody call me by my first either. Now I'd gone from Becca to Bella.

"You're going to have to work on that," Lara chastised from the front seat. "What good is a fake identity if you don't answer when called."

Lara was a sweetheart really. She was risking her own life just driving me away, not to mention everything else. I felt so frustrated though and she was a close target but I bit my tongue. No. I wouldn't lash out, not at her. None of this was her fault. It was mine. All mine. Nodding mutely I returned to gazing out at the sprouting green blowing past us.

How had it come to this?

Leaving behind Phoenix. My home. My friends.

My life.

HIM.

Yes. Him. he was the reason I was doing this. He was the cause of all of this. But I had set it all in motion. The blame lay with me. If it hadn't been for me, he would have never entered our lives. My mom would still have hers to live. Our house wouldn't be taped off. News reporters wouldn't be trying to find an inside scoop.

I wouldn't be having these nightmares.

Oh god. His eyes. I could see his eyes; watching me, waiting, smiling, darkening. All of his moods for the world to see. Not that anyone ever did. No one ever got close enough. I did though. Or rather, he came close to me. eyes open or closed I was tossed back into a whirlpool of memories.

"What'sa matter Beckie hun, can't sleep?" his voice rasped in my ear, soft and warm, like rich honey. So very inviting.

I shivered instead.

"Aww, are you cold?" he cooed and I felt the shock of the night air as her lifted the layers of blankets off of me. Actually, I was on fire. Burning up underneath all the comforters and layers of pajamas I'd put on. Yet, as I felt him slide into my bed my body broke out intoa cold sweat as goosebumps covered my skin. "Let me warm you up," he said, voice sounding sick and twisted now. I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt his body press down the mattress and gravity mocked me as I slid towards him slowly, his hands prying mine away from the bedframe. I didn't fight him, no screaming of scratching. It was all pointless anyways. No one would hear me. My mom worked the graveyard shift and our neighbors would never hear me. I was his to take and he knew that. I knew that. How many nights had this happened now? Even when I pretended to be deep asleep, the second that door creaked open he just knew I was awake and would slink inside.

His hands quickly disposed of my protective armor and piled them on the floor. His chest vibrated as he gave a deep throated laugh. "Becca, Becca, Becca," he soothed, a deceptively gentle hand stroking the side of my face. "Putting on so many clothes only makes the suspense build up more as I take them off," he said huskily, bowing his head to my ear, his minty breath tickling as I shrugged away from him.

Instead I was caged between the thickly muscled arms, tanned from working in the sun every day. He hovered above me, taking me with his eyes first as I squirmed, twisting my legs together in a knot as I tried to hide myself in plain sight. "Ah-ah," he clucked, pinning both of my arms to one side with one of his big ones as he drove his knee down in th ejuncture between my thighs, easily parting my legs. His body radiated heat but I was frozen to my core to my core as I felt one hand travel down my torso, callous fingers making my body shake as they slipped between my legs.

I yelped reflexively as I felt him dig inside of me before clamping my mouth shut as he gave me a sick grin, adding a second finger as he began to move them around. Oh god, it felt so disgusting, I was going to be sick.

Hold it in Bella, I told myself, don't give him the satisfaction.

Luckily, Lara chose that moment to shake me awake before I had to remember any more of it. As it was, when I woke up my body was misted in a fine layer of sweat that I tried to wipe away quickly. Lara gave me a sympathetic look that conveyed so much pity I didn't know what to do but stay nothing as she filled the silence while we sat in the parking lotand she chose my quietness as the perfect time to lecture me on all the orders I'd heard before.

"Okay Bella first, remember you ARE Bella now," she said firmly, "try to get used to it so there's not a such a delayed response that makes you look like an idiot and don't answer to anything else." Sheesh, love you too. Still, she continued, ignorant my mental voice of course. "Second, no more gymnastics, or ballet, or even cheerleading," she said. NO. WAY. Cheerleading was a way to stay in shape so I would live...but gymnastics AND ballet?! KILL ME NOW! "You stand out too much and he might find you even quicker that way if you end up in the papers somehwere," she said, avoiding my loud outburst which I just barely managed to contain as she brought HIM up again. Right okay, I'd become clumsy Bella if I had to. Which spoke volumes of how much I wanted to stay hidden considering I was the most agile, graceful girl in school, not to mention the sharp reflexes I'd honed over the years.

"Also, you absolutely cannot contact anyone back home or give away any information to people you meet here," she said. Yeah, like I'd be stupid enough to try that one. I just nodded instead, waiting for her to continue. "Other than that, just be safe and call me the second you think something might be up," she said, softening up again, "I'm serious Becks, we want to catch this bastard too," she said, her face twisting in anger. "Which reminds me," she calmed. Sheesh, she was so capricious. "At least try to go to the group meetings okay, once a month is all I ask, I swear it'll be better to get it all off your chest," she said kindly and I just noddded dumbly. I couldn't say anything. I just wouldn't show up.

She didn't need to know about the 'Plan B' I had in my mind. A plan in which did not involve me calling her when I smelled fish, but taking care of the problem with a rather big...ad rather ILLEGAL...boom. Yeah. I'd just keep that part to myself. I already had complete hassle free flight ensured with no security interuptions to pick up anything 'off' in my bags. Phew. I would have sme serious explaining to do if they caught me. Where a teenage girl with little to no money got her hands on the items...well I just shouldn't tell you. It was not one of my best trips downtown, but was certainly worth it when I left.

Finally, I got out of the car with only my carry on filled with the necessaties for staving off five hour flight boredom. I was taking a small plane so there'd be no stops of course, which was fine by me really. In the bag were the following: i-Pod filled with hundreds of my favorite songs, three blank, or mostly blank, spiral notebooks for writing, two mechanical pencils and a pen, newest Jodi Picoult book and crisp new bookmark tucked in the cover, brand new cell phone with a new number and only one contact sadly, and then some snacks...okay...a lot of snacks. I never liked airplane food, plus they charged you a lot for it. Oh right, plus there was you know...Plan B as well. It was in there too. I'd never let it out of my sight. If I did, things would not end very well for me. Though it was probably equally as dangerous to carry around I didn't care. I wanted it with me if something went bad.

I was the queen of paranoia.

As I took my ticket and special pass from her I plugged in my i-Pod to be ready the precise moment airport people stopped talking to me. Walking in I enjoyed being able to bypass all the long check line and going straight for my gate where they were already loading. I handed my ticket over for appraisal and the lady barely looked at it before ushering me in, pointing at my seat in the back. Following her easily, I clutched the bag of my new life closely before seating myself, putting the bag right by my feet before playing my i-Pod without looking at it, listening to the opening strum of an acoustic guitar before I heard Avril Lavigne's voice start singing one of the more situation descriptive songs. It was as if Fate was determined to remind me of what was happening. Still, I couldn't break away from the lyrics.

Went back home again This sucks, gotta pack up and leave again Say goodbye to all my friends Can't say when I'll be there again

Its time now To turn around Turn my back on everything (Turn my back on) Everything

Everything's changing When I turn around I'm out of my control I'm a mobile

Everything's changing When I turn around I'm out of my control I'm a mobile

Oh yeah

Start back at this life Stretch myself back into the vibe I'm waking up to say I've tried Instead of waking up to another TV Guide It's time now I turn around Turn and walk on this crazy ground

Everything's changing When I turn around All out of my control I'm a mobile

Everything's changing Out of what I know Everywhere I go I'm a mobile

I'm a mobile

Hanging from the ceiling Life's a mobile Spinning 'round with mixed feelings Crazy and wild Sometimes I wanna scream out loud

Everything's changing Everywhere I go Oh, out of what my control

Everything's changing Everywhere I go Out of what I know Yeah, yeah, yeah

La la la la la la La la la La la la la la la La la la La la la la la la La la la La la la la la la

Everything's changing When I turn around All out of my control I'm a mobile

Everything's changing Out of what I know Everywhere I go I'm a mobile

Everywhere I go I'm a mobile -  
I didn't realize I was crying until one of the passing stewardesses tapped me on the shoulder with a concernced look on her face.

"Sweetie, are you feeling all right?" she asked me with honey in her voice. She was so nice, she sounded so caring, so sweet. It made me want to cry harder than ever but instead I wiped my eyes and put on my best cheerful expression. If I was going to by lying to people for the rest of my life I might as well get a jump on it with her.

"I'm just fine," I smiled easily, watching her facial features relax. "It's the flight I think, maybe I'll just sleep for a bit and try to forget it. I've never been good with travelling," I said, looking away in what I hoped to be a demure way so I wouldn't have to meet her eyes in case she saw my lie.

"Oh okay then, would you like me to get you some aspirin then?" she asked, already straightening herself out and ready to forget someone not on the brink on a major meltdown.

"No, no, that's okay," I said, and I let the last lie slip free between gritted teeth.

"I'll be just fine." 


	2. Insubstantial

**Whee! CHapter two is up! It would have been sooner but the lack of reviewing made me sad T^T but I figured teh best remedy was to add another chapter for more publicity! And thus, a doubly long chapter was born! Now enojy it .**

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"You are now landing in Port Angeles, thank you for flying with us we hope you pick us again for any of your travel needs," a sickly sweet voice rang through the flight cabin as I stirred from the recesses of my mind. Not only was I a light sleeper, but I hardly ever really "slept." It was more of a hanging balance between being awake and going to sleep. All black, muffled sounds, no sight. Most importantly, the reason for this half sleep- no dreams.

Lord knows what might have happened then. With all my screaming and thrashing about they would have thought me insane; not such a good way to start the first impressions. Still, I wished I could have slept even a little, I was still so tired. Half sleeping requires a lot more energy than you would think because most of your body is trying to shut to rest and regroup, while your brain just goes off and does its own paranoid spiel that prevents you from really relaxing at all. If anything I was even more tired now as I yawned loud enough to pop my jaw. I also stretched up in my seat, pushing my arms as high as they could go, rolling my shoulders and cracking my neck; trying my best to loosen my muscles.

At least I had gotten some work done before doing whatever it was that qualified as my own sleep. I finished a few chapters of my book before I felt the incessant need to write again, filling page after page of paper with scribbled words. I moved front and back without skipping lines, instead breaking them by small dashes. I'd found that if I just moved a line for each break I went through paper to fast. Not the notebook was satisifyingly filled with any dark drabble in my mind, expressing myself in the most basic way I knew; with words. Rather than going to the group therapy meetings, I chose to write down how it all felt. Some wre journal entries, others poems. Some of them evolved into what I wasn't even sure. A narrative prose I suppose you could call it. What started as a poem went on for several pages and became soemthing new entirely. Still, I kept those safely tucked away- it wouldn't do to let anyone read those. Not at all.

Eventually, I felt the several bumps below that signified a landing and hastily undid by seatbelt, lifting my bag onto my lap and holding it close; cradling almost as if it were a child. As a different stwardess walked by this time I gratefully took an ice cold can of sprite, using it to soothe by dry throat as well as stomach. I was starving- not sleeping did that to you. Hmm, maybe I could get some food in the airport, or on the way ot the house if he'll let me. I hoped he at least had food in the fridge.

Standing up with the rest of the people, I felt my fears return as I was jostled out the door with everyone. I didn't like so many packed bodies all around me, bumping from every side, yelling and calling for eachother so as not to get lost. My palms started to get clammy as I broke out into a cold sweat. A famliliar sense of nausea began to sweep over me as I finished the last of my soda, crumpling it in my hand. Oh god. I was going to have an attac right here I told myself helplessly. Being claustrophobic and extremely paranoid, whenever things like this happened I started to have panic attacks or aniety attacks. I tried to breathe as best as I could before I started to hyperventilate, my vision going in and out as I just followed voices, flinching for every hand that came in contact with me.

Was this how it would always be I wondered? So afraid to be in a crowd, the be amongst other people. Unable to be touched without flinching, not being able to sleep without nightmares. This is what had become of my life now I realized numbly as I gripped the cool steel of a guidance bar, licking my lips and swallowing as my throat had run dry once more. Suddenly, just before it really hit me, we were released into a cool room, numbers fanning everywhere; funneling around me and giving me space to breathe again as they milled. I closed my eyes tightly, squeezing them shut while I breathed in, holding it for a few seconds before releasing it slowly. I repeated this process a few times before I felt well enough to move and took a tentative step forward.

Looking around carefully, I spotted my new name written in bold across a large piece of cardboard and a warm looking figure holding it up. Of course, warm looking people nothing if they were bastards deep down. I was immune to charm now but I approached him anyways, having already seen the file and memorizing his picture. As I came closer, my hand tightened on the strap of my small carry on bag, trambling slightly as I watched him look up at me.

"Bella?" he asked me, careful to keep his voice calm as he looked at me, as if doing his own assesment of me as I returned the once over.

"That's what they call me," I answered, giving a small smile as I reverted back to my old mask that let people think nothing was wrong with my life. It always worked so well, I haven't cried since I was six and all this started.

It's been ten years.

Maybe when this was all over I could be an actress. "I'm Charlie Swan," he said, introducing himself formerly and offering a chapped hand. "I guess I'm your father for now," he said awkwardly, running a hand through his hair. For some reason, though I'd just met him it seemed like he must have done that a lot today with his dishelved looking appearence. He seemed like a firm man who would stand by his decisions, a little closed with his emotions. Not like I was, but just...he didn't know how to communicate them properly. All in all I didn't pick up any immediate threats.

Which instead, set me on high alert.

I could no longer claim that I was good at reading people after what I brought into our lives. He had been just as nice and reassuring as this man now and I could not afford to get comfortable. Still I kept up my charade. "It's nice to meet you dad," I smiled, putting an emphasis on the last word. "You can just call me Bella by the way," I told him. I was more likely to respond to that than I would be to Isabella since it was closer to Becca. He nodded, standing there awakwardly for a moment as if unsure how to continue so I nudged him along. "So where do we live?" I asked.

"Oh, um yeah, follow me," he said nervously, running his hand through the back of his hair again as he turned towards the exit. I had to give him extra points for not trying to touch me as we wound our way around people to get to the outside. Finally, we made it outside to the police cruiser he'd apparently taken here. It was a small town and he was the police chief, the best protection they could get me. Seeing it though...brought back fresh memories of the last time I'd ridden away in one of these.

He had just beaten my mother again particularly badly and she had to go the hospital to be treated. They were keeping her for a few days of observation but I wasn't allowed to stay with her. I wasn't stupid enough by then to miss the meaning. I would be stuck at home for several days, without my mother to at least put a break in things even though it's horrible for me to want her to be hurt as a distraction from me. As the cruiser pulled up to our sweet unassuming home I stiffened while the door was opened by the police officer.

I remember, I'd been so close to freedom that day. He'd offered me a hand out and I'd licked my lips, swallowing to wet my throat. 'I don't want to get out. He'll rape me again without my mom here to beat on.' That's all I had to say and they would whisk me off to child services where I could be safe again and he would be taken to jail. Instead, over his shoulder I saw the house door open and he stood in the frame, watching me with a wolf's smile, daring me to say a word. No one would believe me his expression seemed to tell me. He was the kind, caring boyfriend of a single mother raising a kid with a wild imagination. Of course no one would believe me. Instead I swallowed my words and pasted a quick smile on my face. What I should have said and what I did were two very different things. Instead what came out my mouth when he asked if I had something to say was: "I- I just wanted to thank you for saving my mother and driving me home, I appreciate it."

He just grinned and patted my head before sending me off towards HIM in the doorway where he grinned and waved the man all the way to the stop sign before ushering me in. I felt his hand slide on my waist. "So how's your mother doing?" he asked softly, his breath brushing against my ear as I cringed away. His arm, however, kept me trapped in the iron grip I'd come to assimilate him a long time ago. My skin burned where he touched me, even through the clothes I felt as if I was burning alive. It was like Hell. Actually, for me, it was.

"Fine," I answered him quickly, but needing to lash out despite how stupid I knew that was. "You broke her wrist, forearm, and clavicle all along the left side. She has two bruised ribs and a healing compound fracture that they've stitched up. Said it was amazing that was all she suffered after her accident," I said acidicly, emphasizing accident so it was clear I was being sarcastic.

"Now now," he purred, his hand tightening on my hip painfully. "I didn't break anything," he said, "you did." And this, hurt much more than any blow he could ever deliver. Becasue really, it was all my fault. Everything from the moment I'd let him into our lives. He'd seemed so sturdy and stable, perfect for my hairbrained mother. He was also kind and I'd been lost. Again, my fault. I'd let him take me home and stay for dinner. After that, he would come visit with little trinkets for my mother and I. He'd fit so easily in our lives, buying me things I'd always wanted, taking care of my mom and soothing her where she was nearly normal. I took their dating in stride and no one even blinked when marriage rolled around only a year later. I was the regular cupid to them.

That was things started going bad though. But only at night. He wasn't material but it wasn't something any of us had seen coming. It wasn't as if he'd suddenly beocme a drunken slob and people pitied us. No, quite the contrary, he remained the perfect upstanding husband and father in public, my mother never went out with visible bruises. Thing was, and its what everyone always tells you despite the way I've taken it out of context, it was what was on the inside that counted.

Her back and chest were mottled purple, ribs broken or bruised. I just kept smiling, pretending nothing was wrong. I always handled our burden's this was just another secret to keep, another thing to protect. I kept my mother safe in exchange for my soul.

My body.

My sanity.

Small prices to pay in exchange for my mother. It barely atoned for the ultimate sin of bringing him here in the first place. It was the least I could do really. My mother though, she didn't want to see her baby hurt and threw herself over me hundreds of times to protect me, to stave of the nightmare for another night. Only problem was, he was strong, incredibly strong. So then we'd both be hurt. It was all well and good she wanted to keep me safe but rape was a lesser evil to me than her brutal beatings. I was so afraid he would break a rib and she'd puncture her lung, or her heart would give out- maybe he'd lose control and just beat her to a pulp. One of those night's I was sure she'd stop crying forever and I'd be all alone. I was waiting for her to die.

Maybe that was why it wasn't such a shock when I found her dead that day. It was almost a numb experience, coming home from school and locking the door behind me, heading to the kitchen for a snack. That was where I found her too, just lying there; a bloodied mangled corpse. She'd been ripped to shreds. This was inhuman and yet now I just KNEW it was him. I stood and stared for the longest time, just looking at her. The whole kitchen was covered in her blood. She should clean she realized.

Scrubbing, her knuckles were raw and bleeding as she poured bleach over everything, attacking the hideous marks of blood with a cold fervor of someone who wanted to forget everything. I couldn't bring myself to move my mother, couldn't touch her. Instead I threw a thick cotton sheet over her corpse. I threw the rags in the wash and took a boiling hot shower to clean myself, using up almost all of the soap. When I got out, I put on my mother's nightgown and went back downstairs. My life was almost normal looking until I approached the kitchen again.

This time, I lifted the phone off the hook and dialed 911 as I had so often, pressing send for once.

"911 what is your emergency?"

"I don't think it's an emergency anymore."

"What? Excuse me ma'am, this is an importannt hotline. You can't just place crank calls-"

"No, I mean, she's already dead. Not much you can do for a dead for a person can you."

"Oh my! Okay, stay calm and tell me exactly where you're at. I'll send a abulance and cop car over right now."

"I'm perfectly calm, 1716 Ochre Lane Phoenix,"

"Well, we'll be sending over someone right now, please stay on the line with me and explain what happened."

"I came home from school and I went into the kitchen for a snack when I found my mom murdered on the tile."

The next line was cut off as I hung up and went into the living room, ignoring the phone ringing until the front door burst open and the EMT's raced in, calling out random acronyms and color codes and all sorts of medical lingo that I didn't udnerstand. It took them a few minutes to find me sitting there on the couch then there were hands all over me, checking my pupils, temperature, asking questions. I didn't react until one of them tried to pull down my shirt for some other sort of examination. That's when I started thrashing, screaming, and fighting. That's when the crying started in great huge sobs that left me pressed for air. Finally, the quiet stupor I'd been in had evaporated and the full force of the shock slammed into me of what had happened.

"Bella, Bella, BELLA!" Charlie shouted, shaking me awake as I caught the remnants of my screaming from my dreams before waking up. "Are you okay?" he asked worriedly, nearly hysterical. I noticed we were pulled over now and wondered how long I'd been screaming. He moved his hands away the second I woke up though and I saw his flushed cheeks. He must have been restraining me while I kicked I told myself.

"Sorry, bad dream," I apologized.

"I bet," I heard him mutter under his breath, "no wonder they asked me to fix the room."

Hmm, what did he mean by that? Instead I asked. "So are we almost there?"

"Wha-? Oh yeah right," he said, putting the car in gear again and pulling back onto the road again, throwing me a few worried sideways glances.

I'd worried him I noticed, somewhat deflated at this new development. He seemed genuinely concerned for my welfare.

About twenty minutes later we pulled up into his- our new house and I smiled. I already loved it. It was small but quaint. Very cute. I could definitely see myself living here. It just seemed so safe. Like nothing bad ever happened inside. Then again, our hosue had been like that too. Still, with Charlie, I found myself slowly easing my guard to just the minimum anxiety. Opening my car door I slung my bag over my shoulder and followed him inside as he gave me the grand tour of the place. He stopped at my room.

"There's only the one bathroom in the hall but other than that, you've got a fully functioning closet with all your clothes already inside, your shoes are underneath them. I picked up a twin mattress at the store too so I hope that's okay," he said nervosly as I looked around. "I als got you your own computer; it's a little old but it works pretty good so you shouldn't have any problems and-"

"I love it!" I grinned, spinning around the center and cutting him off. Really, the small space was just what I needed to myself. I found myself looking in the closet though where a slightly dusty looking treadmill sat. Sliding the door open further I dragged it out in the open.

"Oh yeah about that, I used ot store some stuff in here and there was no where else it could fit so I hope you don't mind it being in here though I could always find another-" he began but I cut him off again, ecstatic about this god given gift.

"No way," I argued, "I would have moved it right back up here anyways, I love running," I said. At least with him I could be honest.

He helped me set it up and I cleaned it off with some generic dusting spray and turned it on to make sure it worked, grinning as I listened to the hum. "Thank you so much Cha- Dad," I corrected myself. His face flushed in embarassment an he shrugged it off before looking out the window at the sound of a honk.

"Oh," he said, "Yeah, come outside for a moment. Now this is a gift from father to daughter," he smiled. "I wanted to make sure everything was covered," he said as I skipped down the steps with him, taking them two at time. What no one tells you is it's a lot easier going up two or three at a time than down but I'd eventually mastered it. He led me outside and sitting there was a monsterous red Chevy, roaring loudly. There was an old man sitting in a wheel chair with a wide smile on his face as he and my new father exchanged hello's. A boy about my age stood just behind him with an equally wide smile but for me instead.

I found myself smiling back just the smallest bit- his grin was that disarming. Though he topped me by a good few inches something about him was so childlike you couldn't help but indulge him. "Hi," I smiled, "I'm Bec-Bella," I corrected almost immediately and he didn't seem to notice my slip as his huge hand swallowed mine whole.

"Jake," he said with a nod, still staring at me until I began to blush and I had to look away.

"So what do you think?" Charlie asked, beaming.

"About what?" I aksed, confused.

He patted the rumbling truck affectionately. "Your homecoming present," he said.

"What?" I said, srprised, "No way! You got this for me! Oh my god I don't, I can't..."I struggled for words. "This is unbelievable, it'sincredible. Of course I love it," I smiled. And I really did. The truck looked like it could take on a tank without much more than needing a new paint job. Sturdy and strong. Just what I needed. Immediately I jumped into the cab, getting a feel for it as I allowed myself to sink into the soft, worn leather. Oh god, this was perfect.

I turned to watch as Jake climbed into the passenger and listened as he showed me how to work it. Once we were both sure I could drive this without any problems we headed inside for pizza that had come not too long ago- it being a small town and all.

There was some fun banter between everyone as Jake and I got to know eachother a little better. He was easy to be around, it came so naturally that I didn't even have to pretend after a while. Eventually though, they had to leave and I waved them both off, still smiling with the after effects of their visit. It was too bad we didn't go to the same school. As I turned around I saw Charlie locking up his gun in the hallway table and shivered jut slightly before shaking it off. No, I told myself- no genuinely sure of this- I was safe here.

"So umm, I gess I'll take a shower and jsut turn in then," I said and he looked up, surprised.

"Oh yeah, go ahead," he nodded. "There's just one thing," he said, his face serious. "I want you to know. Even though we're not really related or anything, I already love you like my own daughter and I won't ever let anything hurt you," he confessed. I knew by his shy nature how big of a step this was for him and I almost felt like crying right then and there but I stayed strong.

"Thank you so much Charlie," I smiled, "that really means a lot to me."

"Just," he started, "just don't try so hard you know. It's okay to cry every now and then. I can't say I know what you're going through because I don't but I don't want you to think you have to pretend just for me all the time. And-" he headged, "the office warned me before they sent you but...your room is soundproofed."

I wrestled with myself for a bit before allowing myself to step closer and give him a small hug before springing back almost instantly thanks to my aversion to human contact now. "Thank you...for everything," I said.

After my shower I dressed in sweats and a tank and started up the treadmill. There was no room for gymnastics in here but I could run. As my feet slapped the whirring track I'd set on high I let thought leave me as the world melted away I would keep running while my body burned through my clothes and the air turned into nails and my feet turned into lead and my lungs shriveled into nothingness and sight turned into sound and sounds turned into silence and I disappeared alltogether.

I would run until there was nothing left of me.

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**Soooo what did you think? On a scale of one to ten? 12? . lol jk but seriously, please do review it and I will update even quicker for you! Not to mention the Cullen's make their appearence in the next chapter. What sort of problems will arise when Edward's hatred for Bella is actually returned! Duhn-duhn-DUUUHN!! XD**

**-Panda**


	3. GLASS

**Yay! Third chapter...done in Jazzy's POV!! woot~!  
Kay so I don't own Twilight except in book form x3 and as such none of the characters are mine except I think me and Steph sort of get to split Bella xP The plot is 100% mine though and don't you forget it! Dx  
Now onto the story! **

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I was early to school, wanting to be alone for a little while and away from everyone elses emotions for once. It had hurt Alice come but she understood why and knew we'd be together soon so she let me go. Normally I would have just gone for a run in the forest but instead I was called to the small campus; deserted in this early hour. Leaning against the trunk of the car easily as I revelled in only having to feel my own emotions for once I just allowed myself to be lost inmy thoughts until a loud roaring sound nearly burst my ear drums and the car still being many miles off. I watched the distance, wondering if I should leave in case I lost it with no one around to stop me but stayed instead, wanting to see who it was that owned such a loud vehicle.

The new student maybe?

I'd never heard this engine before after all and no one had been talking abotu getting a new one or fixing one up so I could only assume it was the rumored secret daughter of our resident chief of police, Charlie Swan. What was her name again? Isabella Swan? Yeah, that was it. Nice name but to me it just meant another human's blood I would have to resist for seven hours, five days a week; excluding sunny days of course though those were rare here.

After her truck what reached me was the music literally blasting even for human ears of which, luckily, there were none around. Unluckily was what I felt next. Or rather, what I felt through her.

Pain.

Depression.

Despair.

Immense emotinos, os strongly mixed together I couldn't help but cry out before ducking into my car before she noticed me. I gripped the steering wheel, bending the metal to my hands and I clenched it, gritting my teeth against the unbearble pain flooding my body. The only thing I could compare it to was if I sat down next to a changing vampire and tortured them while they went through it....time about ten. It didn't seem possible for a little human to bear so much pain as this. It didn't seem possible for ANYONE to endure this level of sadness. Hell, I'd seen people cut and kill themselves for pains that didn't even come close to comparing with a half of this girl's burdens.

As I sat there, I realized she too hadn't left her car and shuddered as the volume lowered some so that humans outside might not pick it up but I could hear the clinking of piano keys as clear as if I was in the car with her.

'One night to you Lasted six weeks for me Just a bitter little pill now Just to try to go to sleep-  
No more waking up to innocence Say hello to hesitance To everyone I meet-  
Thanks to you years ago I guess I'll never know What love means to me but oh I'll keep on rolling down this road But I've got a bad, bad feeling...'

I listened intently to the lyrcis, picking out an unclear sound among them and realized it was the girl, Isabella, singing along. Her voice was sweet and clear, alebit a bit broken from the grief I could feel coming off of her like a tsunami, but melodic nonetheless that I found myself sitting back in my seat and closing my eyes, just concentrating on the sounds coming from her monsterous truck.

'It's gonna take a long time to love It's gonna take a lot to hold on It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah-  
Left in the pieces that you broke me into Torn apart but now I've got to Keep on rolling like a stone Cause it's gonna be a long long way to happy'

Her emotions intensified but I ignored the pain as I let her angel's voice sing to me and lull me into a calm I hadn't felt around a human since before I joined the army even as a human. It had been too long I noted. Unable to act as naturally as the rest of my family because of everything I felt and how new I was to their lifestyle, it was the first moment in maybe centuries that I'd been able to let my complete guard down around someone. Even if they didn't know it.

'Left my childhood behind In a roll away bed-  
Everything was so damn simple Now I'm losing my head-  
Trying to cover up the damage And pad out all the bruises Do you know I had it So it didn't hurt to lose it-  
Didn't hurt to lose it-  
No but oh I'll keep on rolling down this road But I've got a bad, bad feeling'

My dead heart ached for the female in the truck singing along to such a depressing song. The pop artist just had writers on staff to sing these things, but the girl, this girl- it meant so much more. I found myself wanting to talk to her, approach her, find out why she was so sad and delve into her mysterious past. I wanted to get to know her, not just the obviously morose parts, but the gentler parts that she surely must have had at some point in her life. I wanted to know everything about her. Feelings weren't enough, I wish I was a mind reader and I could look inside her head and uncover everything from a safe distance.

'It's gonna take a long time to love It's gonna take a lot to hold on It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah-  
Left in the pieces that you broke me into Torn apart but now I've got to Keep on rolling like a stone Cause it's gonna be a long long way to happy'

What broke her? Why was she here out of the blue? My questions piled up unanswered as they would probably remain for eternity. It was too dangerous to get close to her, even approach her. I could accidentally attack her. I might kill her, or turn her. Worst of all, it would undoubtedly add to the scars she seemed to carry heavily upon her heart and for some reason that thought aboslutely crushed me.

'Now I'm numb as hell and I can't feel a thing But don't worry about regret or guilt cause I never knew your name I just want to thank you Thank you From the bottom of my heart For all the sleepless nights And for tearing me apart yeah yeah'

Yes. That's exactly what would happen to her if I got too close to her. What if she had her own accident that left her bleeding. I wouldn't be able to control myself and I would rip her to shreads. Or if by some miracle of god, my family stopped me, she would be haunted forever in nightmares starring me as the villain. And for some reason, the thought of her being haunted by me, in addition to the weight she carried with her, was just too much bare.

'It's gonna take a long time to love It's gonna take a lot to hold on It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah -  
Left in the pieces that you broke me into Torn apart but now I've got to Keep on rolling like a stone Cause it's gonna be a long long way to happy'

'It's gonna take a long time to love It's gonna take a lot to hold on It's gonna be a long long long long way to happy, yeah -  
Left in the pieces that you broke me into Torn apart but now I've got to Keep on rolling like a stone Cause it's gonna be a long long way to happy Cause it's gonna be a long long way to happy...'

Finally the song ended and I sighed, relaxing and releasing my tensed muscles. I could just make out the sound of her soft voice continuing the last line of the song a few more times and I savored the solo sound of her perfect soprano voice, storing it in my memory to bring up when I began to feel particlarly unhappy. I don't know if it was some sadistic thought on my part that I wanted to keep the proof that there was someone out there who felt worse than I did- to cheer me up, or if I just liked the sound of her heartbreakingly beautiful voice in any manner. Then again, I'd only heard it singing the one song. Maybe that was enough for me.

No, came my answering thought quickly. I wanted much more. I wanted her to keep talking so I could listen to the lilt of her voice all day. I wanted to sit next to hear and hear her up close. I didn't get cold as a vampire, but at the thought of sitting in such close proximity with her by my side I felt myself shiver in a not wholly unpleasant manner.

Gradually though, I could hear her sobs, great screaming sounds that shook me at the foundation as I doubled over in agony. How someone in this much pain even attempted to attend school I had no idea. There was no way she could do it without drawing the attention of everybody on campus. It seemed impossible. It had to be impossible.

Slowly, as I watched the minutes slowly trickling by -since when had time taken so long to pass?- on my radio I heard the ebb in her cries as she controlled herself once more. Watching her, I was mesmerized by her face even through the dirty truck window and felt something stir inside of me that I forcefully beat back and not just for the dangers it posed to her this time. I had a wife after all- a loving, caring, sweet, beautiful wife that I'd been married to for decades now. More importantly, my wife was a PSYCHIC. I cold not be thinking about these things. Especially when her brother -and mine too I suppose- could read minds as well. No, far too dangerous.

Then a more disturbing thought crossed my mind.

Exactly how much did I feel for this girl if I was thinking in ways of long term threats to a so far, non-existent relationship.

So far?

What's wrong with me? Get a hold of yourself Jazz I calmed myself. Just don't think about her I told myself firmly.

Ha, much easier said then done, my other half rebuked. Okay, there HAD to be something wrong with me if I was arguing with myself already about some random human with a heavy heart and good voice that calmed me down. I hadn't even talked to her yet. Again with the yet! As if I will! Which...I probably...most likely...will. Anyways, still, here I sat in my car like a creepy stalker listening to some sad girl sing and cry by herself before school started.

Pathetic.

Me I mean, not her.

I watched her and decided maybe I should practice my self control a bit more. She was only one human, it couldn't be that overpowering now could it? Well, I certainly hoped not. Rolling down the window to my car I let the wind carry in the scents as I took a deep breath, nearly tasting her on my mouth. Only, there was a problem. Not a I-would-leap-from-this-car-any-second-to-drain-her-dry-because-she-smelt-so-good kind of problem but more of a she-smelt-so-delicios-in-another-way-that-I-wanted-to-go-closer-and-make-sure-it-was-her. There was no way a human could smell so delectable but not have me salivating after them.

Instead, when her scent reached my mouth I got the sense of the drugs they would lsip into us during battle when we were being fixed up in the tents so we wouldn't feel as much. It was like morphine, just setting my whole body alight and buzzing with a soft warmth so that I felt nothing but a hazy sense of safety and painless euphoria. My god, I was comparing this woman to a drug. But really, that's exactly what it was like. A drug. The second I smelt her I drew in another ragged breath just to get that same high feeling again.

No, she didn't smell like the drug or anything, which I have smelt and it's done nothing like this to me before, but she had her own unique scent about her. First was strawberries, a shampoo or lotion I would bet, then fresisas- body spray? Or did she have the flowrs in her home? But before she smelt too sweet there was a faintly woody scent about her, a little salty, like she spent a lot of time outdoors by a beach or excersizing in the woods. It almost seemed as if when you smelled her, you WERE outside; in a forest of lush wildlife with animals and rare flowers and natural springs. The perfect place to hunt; and yet again, strangely- I did not want to eat her. Instead I sat in my car, taking deep breaths every chance I got if only to take in her scent and simply BE.

Now, without her being as much of a threat for breaking our family's self imposed diet the need to be closer to her grew even stronger with every passing minute we were left alone in the suddenly vast parking lot. Confidence sprung up in me at the thought that maybe I could approach her now without ripping her throat out but I worried maybe it was the distance doing this to me though it seemed a feeble excuse to cover up my fears.

It was still too soon to show myself to her though, I knew nothing about her and she likewise. Maybe once school started up I could bump into her in the hallways or something. Even if she didn't see me though, I would stay close if only to be able to get that feeling once more as I inhaled deeply to remind my body why I wanted to approach her. I moved quickly, I could track her to every one of her classrooms and stay out of sight if only so I could be by her side longer. My family would think it strange but I was already past the point of caring. It was like I was a long time junkie who needed their fix. Only then, nad things happened to my imagination. With every step I drew closer, I would want more until her scent wasn't enough when it filled me. I'd slowly graduate to touching, just a quick grasp or brush in the halls when she couldn't notice. Then, if that wasn't enough though my mind was filled with hot, vivid scenes of much more intimate acts. This girl put me at ease and turbodrive at almost the same time and the ride was exhilirating. They didn't make drugs like this oh no, or the whole world would be in trouble. Instead, I was the lucky one to feel this buzz. I inhaled her scnet again and held it in this time, letting the tingling sensation spread slowly throughout my body.

It was like a slow, languid dance filling my empty veins with new energy that fired off every neuron in my body until they shorted and left me in this cloud of absolute bliss; completely unfeeling. How wonderful it would be to stay here like this forever. It was a quick addiction to her, I couldn't get enough and I was nearly hyperventilating in the confines of my car as I tried to breathe her in completely. There was no question about it any longer though, I would have to approach this girl, get close to her, get to know her. I could solve the many mysterious questions surrounding her while I was hooked. Already, I craved her. Not just her blood but her body. Everything about her I wanted simply to devour in the most carnal ways. I could see it in my mind, painted so brightly with splashes of color and tinged with the exciting dull electric blade feeling I got off her scent.

Breath mingling, kisses raining, limbs entwining, throats tightening, sweet pain diffusing- the rush and soft let down as I took her all in. It wasn't on a vampiric need that I wanted her. No. I was a man and she was a woman. What I wanted was not just her blood but everything. I wanted her touch...all over my body. I wanted her breath...trailing over me. I wanted her skin against my skin, lips against my lips, moving down my chest. I should have been embarrased about these wild fantasies but I just wasn't. Despite how purely human these urges were, they'd take over my body in the seconds I'd dared to let her scent fill me. Now, those scenes were nearly all I could see. More importantly, I wanted her whole body to myself to horde and keep as a sacred treasure that outranked god himself in my eyes. With our passion consummated in my head I could see the wild tangle of bedsheets around us, the thin blanket thrown outside deep in the cover of trees, the white tile countertop wiped clean of utensils, the couch cushions being imprinted with our body shape, closet doors shaking with the secrets within as the shelf contents rainded down on us obliviously.

My whole body grew hot just thinking about it and I could smell my own arousal thick in the air. Just what was I doing here? Having sex fantasies about a girl I'd already so quickly assimilated to a drug that I'd yet to even talk to. tHat last part would change though. I craved her, needed her. We'd never met and I wanted more fiercely than I did blood after a month of fasting. I wasn't even sure I could control myself in school without finding some way to get her out class and spiriting her away. One thing surfaced in my mind though that might be a kink in my plans.

Alice.

How did one explain to his wife that he was suddenly addicted to the scent of a human but he did not want to drink from her only be close to her. Was that even possible? Probably not. Fixing my wife in mind I barely managed to roll up the windows to my car -when had I put all four down?- and try to think of something less...sexually based.

I allowed my thoughts to wander again and this time they were around something different as I remembered an Italian phrase we vampires used for the one irresistible human to us: 'La tua cantante' - our blood singers. Now, Isabella wasn't like that but it was definitely something more. Toying with the phrase in mymind for a bit with what I knew of the language I grinned as I hit upon the perfect name for her. It was a bit unorthodox and might not make sense to others but it fit her perfectly the more I thought about it; rolling it over in my head. Yes, Isabella Swan, mysterious student with a tragic background of some kind that I ached to explore, had become a drug to a dangerous vampire just acorss the parking lot. Why? Simple.

She was my: 'La tua droga'

Literally, my addiction.

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**Gosh I'm so dang proud of myself for this story -tear- lol but yeah, review and tell me how you like it so far and what could be improved.  
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Yeah I don't know what happened really in this chapter though, I decided Jazz is gonna be fair game in this story as it'll provide some healthy competition for Edward and then it got like really steamy when I tried to make things more interesting. Not to mention trouble for Becca/Bella as one one hand- she's got the guy who can't enough of her. On the other, he keeps trying to run away...**

**BTW 'Glass' for this chapter isn't referring to glass like in a window but a streetname for crank which is a drug that has about the same effects on you as Jasper described his feelings for Becca/Bella. If you haven't noticed I'm sort of trying to keep all the chapters revolving around glass in general...**

**Anywho~ stick around some more for the updates and see how the story goes. For now it's still pretty up in the air on who Bella might be with, not to mention much more drama is in store as I give _____ ___'s POV soon and reveal some very _interesting_ things...**

**-Panda 3**


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